But I also thought he was putting too much pressure on the relationship.I didn’t think there was a set point in time at which we had to be sure about each other.“You have to keep having those moments,” said my recently engaged coworker, “when you look at a person and think, ‘Yeah, I made the right call.’”The last pattern I noticed was that most people were either unable to unwilling to analyze former, failed loves—or did so only in the abstract.My guess is that it’s hard to remember when you “knew” you were supposed to be with a former flames.The people with whom I spoke were largely (though not all) white, straight, female, in their mid-to-late 20s and had at least a college degree.I asked them why they felt sure the person they were dating was someone they wanted to be with in the long-term. I wanted to learn about the moments of discovery that contain, within them, the knowledge of love.
Those who were able to find both love and longer-term compatibility stressed that the desire for commitment was less an overwhelming, knock-out feeling, and more of a repeated choice.I tried to be my best self with him—warm, patient, and kind. He said he didn’t feel they way he thought he should—that after six months you should be ready to seriously commit to the person you’re dating. I’d listened to his frustrations after bad days at work.