He believes that dating teaches us that there is a particular kind of intimacy that counts –that will be celebrated by friends, family, and society.And he thinks that hierarchy of intimate relationships is limiting.Asexuality is just now coming onto the horizon as an identity.In the last ten years, there has been a growing awareness that some people don’t want or need sex to live happy and fulfilled lives.It’s specifically flawed in ways that make it difficult for asexual people to engage in.David rejects that there’s only one kind of relationship that counts, and that there’s a particular course that a relationship must take.The set of associations for a white guy, for instance, heavily influence how he is perceived, what scripts he received on how his sexuality should work, and so on.When he is doing visibility work, it’s easier for him to present a “queer” topic — — to a mainstream audience because he’s seen as a nonthreatening “everyman.”However, he is conscious that his position as a figurehead of asexuality can give the impression that asexuality is a “white” identity and that he might be alienating asexual people of color. To claim sexuality is to claim a certain kind of power.
It’s better to see how you connect, how you can interact with each other.The first person I interviewed was Gaia Steinberg, 24, from Israel. She’s an activist in the feminist, sex-positive, and asexual communities. He has been in a leader and activist in asexual community for ten years, was active in campaigns to take asexuality out of the DSM, and was featured in the documentary Asexual people are not a monolith, but I asked Gaia and David to tell me about their own experiences with the community as a whole and their own personal understanding of dating while asexual.