As an adult, however, what you do know is pain and heartbreak.Think back to those times in your past when you experienced profoundly deep pain.Everyone shares their struggles, triumphs, and stories which helps them recover from the effects of their loved one’s drinking.Sharing is encouraged but not mandatory and just like a regular AA meeting, al-anon meetings are anonymous.“Before I started dating my now husband, I was super up front with him about my past. If you’re not cool with that then I don’t think this is going to work.I’m the adult daughter of a recovering alcoholic so you’d think I would know better, right? I made it into my mid-20s before I dated a guy with a drinking problem — then I decided to date two in a row. As someone who grew up watching people struggle with substance abuse, I had no fun whatsoever dealing with it in romantic relationships. Problem is, that was the minority of their waking hours! If he’s not doing anything to help himself, there’s nothing you can do for him. I know you hear me, but you don’t reeeeeeally believe me. Caretakers are naturally attracted to those who they feel need help, and thus the co-dependent relationship is born. There’s a specific pain in knowing that you’ll never beat out his demons, and that he’ll drive the relationship into the ground before he gives up the booze. There’s not a damn thing you can do about his sickness – you can either accept it for what it is, or go find someone else.I’m not sure what I was thinking — or if I was thinking at all — but at least I learned some pretty valuable lessons from the experience. These guys may seem like the life of the party, but in reality they’re just big fat headaches. Some guys are completely different people when they’re drunk. If someone is an awful drunk and he’s drunk most of the time, you have a huge issue. Take care of yourself, and remove yourself from the situation. If he takes steps to work on the problem for himself, then and only then is the relationship potentially salvageable. He needs you to be there for him no matter how badly he screws up, and you need to feel needed. No one likes to be second best to anything in love. If he’s going to heal, he has to do it for his own reasons. If you are his only motivation, he’s doomed to fail.
If you have any spine whatsoever, get out of there. You wouldn’t be the first, but you’re better than that.
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