And while of course the topic of race should be an ongoing conversation with your significant other, things would go a lot smoother if men — — were able to identify and prevent racial tension from the very beginning.
To be blunt: White guys, you often approach black women in a harmful way.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t the first or last awkward date I’ve had with a white man.
I wish I could say that I’m surprised and appalled by the ignorance that white men tend to show when they approach me, but I’ve come to expect it.
These include, but are not limited to, saying things such as “You’re [insert positive adjective] for a black girl! ”These may seem harmless to some, but they’re actually symptoms of deeper problems rooted in systematic oppressions that black women face daily.
So, in order to avoid some head and heartaches down the road for both parties, I’d like to offer white men some suggestions on how to best approach us.
White men navigate society with relative ease while black women are teetering on the precarious margins of race and gender that they do not have the privilege to ignore.
He kept touching my hair without my consent, was legitimately disappointed that I could not twerk, and called me “sassy” whenever I voiced an opinion that was different from his.
Most white men are unaware of the microaggressions towards their black partner that make their chances for a second date slim to none.
Microaggressions are comments or actions that unintentionally alienate or demean a marginalized person or group.
More often than not we are looked over for jobs, we do not receive adequate education or medical care, and we are imprisoned at much higher rates than our white counterparts all because blackness is rarely associated with positivity. Often, someone from a marginalized group is expected to be the authority on that group’s culture, but that’s an unreasonable expectation.
So in order to combat the harmful stereotypying of our people, try to compliment us without the caveat! It’s assumed that that everyone belonging to that group thinks and behaves the same way, but that is never – – the case.
While white men are not the only group to hold racial biases and stereotypes against black women, they tend to be the least informed on the racialized and gendered issues that black women endure.